Funny Redneck stuff found on the web.

...Why Rednecks Can't Be Paramedics

2006-09-14T03:53:00.000-07:00

A couple of rednecks are out in the woods hunting when one of them grabs his chest and falls to the ground.

He doesn't seem to be breathing; his eyes are rolled back in his head.

The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911.

He gasps to the operator, "I think Bubba is dead! What Should I do?"

The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take it easy and follow my instructions.

First, let's make sure he's dead."

There is a silence... and then a shot is heard.

The guy's voice comes back on the line, "Okay, now what?

Sex Ed Camp?

2006-07-30T10:06:00.000-07:00

Sunday Go To Meetin'

2006-07-30T10:04:00.000-07:00

I'm guessing that the pastor must be Larry The Cable Guy.

Gotta Love Rednecks!

2006-07-30T09:45:00.000-07:00

They can sure come up with some great "inventions", can't they?

LIMO SERVICE

JET SKI

HOUSEBOAT

THEME PARK RIDE

HOT TUB

GOLF CART

ATV CARRIER

Hungry For Hot Dogs?

2006-07-30T09:44:00.000-07:00

"They plump when you cook 'em!"

Man's Best Friend...

2006-07-30T09:40:00.000-07:00

...and huntin' buddy!

Redneck Cookout

2006-07-30T09:38:00.000-07:00

Maybe his buddies have rakes for the marshmallows???

Just Say No

2006-07-30T09:35:00.000-07:00

No More Babies!

2006-06-16T19:22:00.000-07:00

An Alabama couple, both bona fide rednecks (and first cousins) had nine children. They went to the doctor to see about getting the husband "fixed". The doctor gladly started the required procedure and asked them what finally made them make that decision; why after nine children, would they choose to do this. The husband replied that they had read in a recent article that one out of every ten children being born in North America was Mexican, and they didn't want a Mexican baby because neither of them could speak Spanish.

Installing A Redneck Security System

2006-06-16T19:18:00.000-07:00

How to install a redneck wireless security system in four easy steps:

1. Go to a second-hand store, buy a pair of men's used work boots - a really big pair.

2. Put them outside your front door on top of a copy of Guns and Ammo magazine.

3. Put a dog dish beside it - a really big dish.

4. Leave a note on your front door that says something like "Bubba, big Mike and I have gone to get more ammunition - back in 1/2 an hour. Don't disturb the pit bulls, they've just been wormed."

Flat Tire

2006-06-16T18:22:00.000-07:00

A redneck had a flat tire, pulled off on the side of the road, and proceeded to put a bouquet of flowers in front of the car and one behind it. Then he got back in the car to wait.

A passerby studied the scene as he drove by and was socurious he turned around and went back. He asked the fellow what the problem was.

The man replied, "I have a flat tire."

The passerby asked, "But what's with the flowers?"

The man responded, "When you break down they tell you to put flares in the front and flares in the back! I never did understand it either"

United States Redneck Special Forces

2006-06-16T17:57:00.000-07:00

The Pentagon announced today the formation of a new 500-man elite fighting unit called the United States Redneck Special Forces.
These Alabama, Arkansas, Georgia, Kentucky, Mississippi, Missouri, Oklahoma and Tennessee good 'ole boys will be dropped off into Iraq and have been given only the following facts about terrorists:

1. The season opened today.
2. There is no limit.
3. They taste just like chicken.
4. They don't like beer, pickups, country music or Jesus.
5. They are DIRECTLY RESPONSIBLE for the death of Dale Earnhardt.

The Pentagon expects the problem in Iraq to be over by Friday!

Redneck Divorce Settlement

2006-06-16T17:23:00.000-07:00

Dear Cooter,
Me an Sue Ellen have divorced, the judge gave her the double wide and the pickup. So, like the court order said, I delivered the truck before 2 O'clock, yesterday afternoon! I took a pitchure fer proof that I delivered it... Wanted to make sure she found it when she got home!!! How's your day going? See ya later!
Your Buddy,
Bubba

Not A Very Nice Neighbor...

2006-06-16T17:14:00.000-07:00

Free BBQ Grill!

2006-06-16T16:57:00.000-07:00

Just in time for "cookout season"!!!

This is not a joke...

You can get a free BBQ grill from any of the following stores:

A&P

Albertsons

Costco

Food Lion

Fry's

Kroger

Safeway

Sam's Club

Target

Vons

Wal-Mart

Winn-Dixie

I especially like the higher shelf which can be used for keeping things warm!